day 9

What is there to talk about?Nothing really.I made a list of my major symptoms not and I am going to take that into the doctor to see what can be done.I really hope this shit can be taken care of.I don't even know how I can keep living with this shit like this.I have no idea what to f**king do.I'm afraid that everything is going to make it worse and it really seems like that is what's happening.My wh*le body is just lifeless.I just want to be able to do the normal things that most people do.I want to run and be able to work long hours and still have energy and feel good.I want to be able to communicate with people and have a girlfriend that I can feel close to and spend time with and not just feel scared and nervous around.I want to have friends that I can easily talk to without it seeming like some kind of chore and I want to be able to hang out with them and feel good the wh*le time instead of just wishing for my bed the wh*le time.I want to have motivation to build a career and a life for myself.I want to be able to crate mountains of wealth for myself and my family.I can easily do all of this if I am healthy.I am not a dumb person, but I can't use any of my potential or my personality.Right now I am just lifeless and empty.

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